Janet and Neal’s apartment felt safe, tucked between Avenues A and B. Penny drank her glass of lemonade hurriedly. “What’s the rush?” Neal asked. Suddenly self-conscious, Penny wiped her upper lip. “Have you thought anymore about our talk?” Janet asked.
“Yes,” she lied. She had been avoiding the subject all together. “I think you made some very good points. I know I need to be more responsible.”
“Penny, it’s not just about being responsible. You must do something with the time you have. You are privileged, but you've let privilege paralyze you.”
She shook her head in agreement, “I’m working on it. I’ve been thinking of volunteering so I can help people.”
“You need to help yourself first,” Neal poured more lemonade. “You need to take control of your money.”
“But what difference does it make?” Penny rose from the table and walked to the window. “I just don’t want to know.”
“Penny, you’re afraid,” Janet said.
“I don’t want to think about money all the time. I don’t want to worry about how much is or isn’t there.”
“Look, Penny, you’re already worrying, and on top of that, you’re feeling guilty.”
“Well, how should I feel? I couldn’t even buy this lemonade with money of my own.”
“The money is yours. Did you see you Rose this week?”
“She said my chakras are unbalanced.”
“Anything else?”
“Yeah, she wants 5,000 dollars.”
“And?”
“I’m not convinced.”
*
She stood before an Annunciation, a preparatory study on a small sheet by Correggio. The Virgin is so young and afraid, she thought. Why shouldn't she be? Gabriel is a ghost. I'd get out of there, run away, give it up for adoption. Religious art usually made her uneasy but now she was calm. She'd never have children. What was she meant to do? She walked into the park, back to her bench, with her book. She wasn't hungry or thirsty. She sat and read the story of Isabel Archer.
*
"Hey, Penny! Watch this!" Ben shouted from the bar.
"You watch yourself!" Penny laughed. She sat at a table with Andy, Judith and Leslie.
"We should turn this dump into a brothel. We could make pots of money."
"Don't be silly. We'd be terrible business partners."
"Hey, Ben! Watch this!" Penny stood on her chair and lifted her skirt. "NO PANTIES!"
But it was Judith on the chair. Penny grabbed Judith's skirt and yanked it down.
"Are you nuts?" Penny squeaked.
"You’re so uptight. Have another drink with me."
They left the bar, drove to Penny’s childhood home in Nyack and drank her parents' whisky.
"Everyone in the pool!" There was no pool. They all took off their clothes and jumped in. Penny swam to the deep end and dove to the bottom. She pressed her palms on the concrete. She held her breath longer than she ever had before. She could hear them talking from above.
"She doesn't know how to be happy. Not that it matters. She's mean and ugly too. We’re just using her, you know.”
“She’s probably killing herself now.”
“Saves me the trouble.”
They drove away in a van. Penny sat in the back with Leslie and her cousin and the dog.
"Are you ready for Paris?"
She had forgotten. They were leaving for Paris in a week. They would stay in Leslie's apartment in back of the Sacré-Coeur and eat and drink and fuck and see the sights. She wished she were going somewhere else.
...
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